Idol Chatter & Voice Views

I can picture it already.

Lights flood the American Idol summer tour stage as Tim Urban slides down a giant slide on his knees.

He launches into a reggae version of “Born To Be Wild” and follows it up with “Stairway To Heaven,” playing part of the Led Zeppelin classic on a kazoo.

He’s followed to the stage by Andrew Garcia WITH his guitar. (Shame on you, Miley Cyrus, for making us watch him try to dance this week).

Don’t fret too much, tour producers. We know Andrew can sing one song well, an acoustic version of “Straight Up.” After all, that’s what got us into this bespectacled mess.

And you’ve got months to come up with just one other song Andrew can sing and sound better than Tim Urban on a kazoo.

Judging from what we’ve seen the last five weeks, it’ll be a challenge, but I’m sure you’re up to it.

That’s the end result of a resullts show in which Paige Miles got a well-deserved boot off the Idol stage. American Idol voters have deemed Andrew and Tim tour worthy.

Hey, would you rather open shows on the summer tour with Lacey Brown and her sleepy, sleepier and sleepiest songs? Or Ms. I-Can-Only- Sing-When-I-Have-Laryngitis Miles?

Let’s consider ourselves lucky. It could be worse.

On with the recap.

Deserved her fate: Hey, Kara called Paige Miles’ version of “Against All Odds” possibly the worst performance all season. Randy called it “terrible.” They are the type of comments you typically expect from Simon. Poor Ellen didn’t even want to critique it. And I’m left struggling to remember when Paige sounded good, with the exception of Rolling Stones week.

Very, very lucky: Andrew Garcia turned in another train wreck of a performance and somehow didn’t even wind up in the bottom three. No matter. He’s become an afterthought in this competition. And now I’m with Simon. Perhaps he was overrated from the beginning.

Stock rising: As other contestants crumble, Crystal Bowersox continues to be consistently incredible and credible. Anyone who doesn’t consider her the front-runner at this point … well, I don’t know what they’re listening to. I’ve dubbed last night’s show “Crystal and the Pretenders.”

In the judges’ eyes, Siobhan Magnus. Personally, I don’t see it. She puts on a good show (but not as good as Adam Lambert). She sings well (but not nearly as well as Adam Lambert). She screams very well (but not with the purpose of Adam Lambert).

In my eyes, Didi Benami. She followed up last week’s “Play With Fire” with what I thought was a fine version of “You’re No Good.” And she’s looking more and more comfortable (and less tearful) on stage.

Stock sinking: Lee DeWyze, at least a little. No doubt the guy can sing. I agree with Simon’s early-season assessment, the best voice among the guys. If he could just steal a little of Michael Lynche’s attitude, I think I’d like both of them more.

On the bubble: Tim Urban, of course. He followed up that bizarre version of “Under My Thumb” with a corny version of “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” Lose the antics. Lose the bizarre arrangements. The guy doesn’t have a bad voice and had fewer pitch problems this week than Andrew Garcia, Paige Miles or, dare I say it, Aaron Kelly.

Coming tomorrow: The exit interview with Paige Miles.

If you missed it: Here’s the link to the Week Two photo gallery. Siobhan went from pretty to punk. Michael looked stylish; Lee tried to. Katie looked less like a pageant contestant. Didi looked a little like the bad girl she was portraying in those boots. Check it out.