Idol Chatter & Voice Views

American Idol lands in Aspen tonight for audition episode number four, coming off a badly bungled San Diego show that didn’t end until midnight and with ratings in decline.

But from my perspective, there were a few positive developments from the first week of Season 11.

* When nearly half the featured contestants from the two-hour Savannah premiere were either 15 or 16, I thought, “Here we go again.”  But we’ve met only one 15-year-old since then and every featured contestant in the San Diego show was at least 19. Gasp!

* We’ve met some quirky golden ticket recipients, but Idol seems to be shying away from the crazies with no hope of advancing. And it’s not because they aren’t turning out.  Check out the photos from San Diego and you’ll see four guys dressed as fruit, a girl in a mermaid outfit and a guy with a long gray beard wearing sandals with his suit and playing a very odd looking guitar.

* The balance of girls advancing versus guys has been out of whack for years, probably because lots more ladies audition.  But the numbers were pretty even in Pittsburgh and Savannah.  Then came San Diego and, apparently, lots of talented gals.  Through three episodes, 75 females and 56 males have earned golden tickets.

If nothing else, the judges should be able to hear what’s going on in Aspen. The sound of skis whisking across snow isn’t nearly as loud as a plane landing on an aircraft carrier.

And, hey, is should be colder in Aspen.  Less chance for females to show up in barely-three outfits, then complain because Steven Tyler didn’t deliver a supposedly promised golden ticket.

No more did a write that than someone shows up with the hots for Steven Tyler.

Jenni Schick, 24, Sterling, Va.: She’s a music teacher for kids in grades kindergarten through six who wants to vomit at the thought of 30 recorders in the same room. She’s energetic, sometimes “overly” so, she admits. Oh, and Steve Tyler is on her list of people she can kiss without it being considered cheating. So she sings Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker” for the judges, only moderately well, but gets a golden ticket … and a kiss, of course.

Curtis Gray, 28, Spring Hill, Fla., sever: This guy is in a five-piece band, playing keyboards and singing. Not sure what he sang, but it wasn’t nearly as great as the judges seemed to think. Jennifer calls him good-looking; Steven calls him a major talent. Really?

Richie Law, 19, Centennial, Colorado, student: OK, this guy gets the deep-voice (aka Scotty McCreery) award. And I take it he’s heading to Hollywood, too.

Devan Jones, 26, Aurora, Colorado, hotel clerk: This guy has the best voice we’ve heard so far tonight. Hollywood bound as well.

Mathenee Treco, 25, Centennial, Colorado, dance instructor: That was a pretty tortured version of “Hey, Jude,” but he’s got a golden ticket, too.

Tealana Hedgespeth, 19, Loveland, Colorado, color guard coach: She’s got a twin sister who’s studying the performing arts, and she’s tired of living in her shadow. So she’s going to get out of that shadow by singing Melissa Etheridge on American Idol. Well, that didn’t work very well. Just as well. How could she become Idol with that name?

Haley Smith, 18, Orem, Utah, house cleaner/busser/meat packer: Next up is a vegetarian meat packer who lives in a log cabin and loves nature. She’s going to sing “Tell Me Something Good.”  This is another so-so audition. Randy kinda likes it. Steven loves her voice and says he’s honored to be listening to her voice. And she’s off to Hollywood, too.

Alanna Snare, 22, Fort Collins, Colorado, waitress/bartender: She tries to sing “Jolene,” and it’s one of the worst versions I’ve ever heard. I’d rather listen to talk about Rocky Mountain oysters.

Shelby Tweten, 17, North Mankato, Minn., student: She’s going to sing “Temporary Home,” yep the Carrie Underwood hit. She started off very well, but went awfully sharp in the middle of that song.  She’s heading to Hollywood because of that back-story. Jennifer calls her voice “beautiful.”  Randy calls her “fearless as a singer.”  Shelby is bipolar, has struggled with depression and says Idol has given her a reason to stay on her meds. After she leaves the room, Randy says she has “huge potential.” Which means we’ll see more of her in Hollywood.

Jairon Jackson, 19, Denver, Colorado, host: OK, what’s a host?  Oh, well, this guy writes music and has decided to sing a song he wrote called “So Hard.” It’s OK, nothing special. But Jennifer declares him “something special.” And he too is off to Hollywood. Randy calls him the “real deal.” Really?

Angie Zeiderman, 25, Delray Beach, Fla., waitress: Oh, no, here comes a self-described “vintage glitter queen who idolizes Lady Gaga, likes to “make everything a performance” and sings about “showing guys your birthday suit.”  Randy didn’t like that, so she’s going to sing “Blue Bayou.”  That turns Randy around. Now he “loves her.”  Steven’s description: “a little spitfire.” Another Hollywood bound contestant.

OK, we were long overdue for a crazy, and here comes Magic Cyclops singing Neil Diamond and Jimmy Buffett.  And so ends a wasted episode of Idol.