Idol Chatter & Voice Views

It’s not a secret.

No matter how much you might be looking forward to Tuesday night’s showdown between Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox, season nine of American Idol has hardly been a smashing success.

And with Simon Cowell leaving after Wednesday’s episode … well, you have to wonder if the ratings won’t tumble even more in season 10.

So I’ve decided to offer FOX and 19 Entertainment 10 free tips for saving their show. Starting with …

Tip 1: The judges: Clean house

My advice to FOX: Say goodbye to Simon. Fire everyone else.

And, in the process, go back to the three-judge format.

Once Simon leaves, let’s look at what Idol is left with.

Randy Jackson: He’s been telling contestants the same thing for nine years now. Between the dawgs and the “that was just OK for me,” there’s very little meat to his critiques. Does Idol really think anyone tunes in to see him?

Particularly grating to me: This season, he kept advising Lee DeWyze to stay true to his rocker roots. Dawg, Lee isn’t a rocker. Don’t believe me?
Listen to the two CDs he’s already released.

Kara DioGuardi: I’d had enough of Kara long before she put an exclamation mark on her first Idol season with the “No Boundaries” baloney and the bikini flash. She’s been just as obnoxious this year and is likely to get more so without Simon around to set her straight.

She was at her worst this week, right after Lee DeWyze finished singing “Hallelujah.” She got that Kara knows best smile. You could tell she was about to say something prophetic.

She proclaimed Lee the “heart” of season nine. No, Kara, that would be Crystal, the only contestant you’ve been able to rely on this season. She
proclaimed Lee’s performance “epic.” OK, Kara wasn’t around to see Fantasia’s truly epic “Summertime.” She wasn’t even around to see Jason Castro do a better version of “Hallelujah” in season seven. But she watched Adam Lambert do epic things in season eight. Comparatively, Lee was very good, far from epic.

The loud splash you heard when Kara finished being prophetic? That was her credibility falling into the toilet. Yet again.

Ellen DeGeneres: She made no pretense of being anything but a fan of good music when she was picked to replace Paula. Her feedback to contestants has pretty much fallen into two categories: 1) You sang well, or; 2) That wasn’t my favorite performance, but you can sing well. With an occasional one-liner thrown in.

She’s been an improvement over Paula because she’s coherent and has people laughing with her rather than at her. But if contestants want
direction, they’d better look elsewhere.

So clean house, Idol.

Here’s the beauty of that option.

You have three chances of finding someone truly capable of replacing Simon. And you’re likely to get an upgrade over Kara and Randy in the process.