Idol Chatter & Voice Views

There are rumors the good folks at American Idol might shake things up in 2009.

It’s still the most-watched show in the nation, but ratings slipped slightly in 2008.

Here’s a recommendation to Idol producers: Keep Paula. In fact, throw her as many curves as possible. And don’t even think about allowing cue cards.

Nearly every performance show, you can count on Paula for one gem. Remember the night this season when Paula smiled, looked as though she was going to say something profound and told Brooke White: “You are Brooke White.”

“Yes she is,” replied Simon as the crowd chuckled. “An excellent and wonderful performer,” added Paula.

Hey, it’s nice for contestants to have one friendly voice on the panel.

Anyway, Paula was at her unpredictable best in season seven. Some new Paula classics:

5. To Michael Johns, after his rendition of “Dream on:” “You sound as good as you look and the high notes that you hit, I think my Chihuahuas are going to come and join you on stage.”

Said Simon: “From dreams to Chihuahuas … only on American Idol.”

4. To Ramiele Malubay, after her rendition of “In My Life”: “The whole world needs to see what we hear in your voice.”

Whereupon Simon couldn’t resist looking at Paula, rather baffled and repeating: “The whole world needs to see what we hear?”

3. See number 5 and you’ll understand that Paula was a big fan of Michael Johns. So when he botched the Beatles “A Day in the Life,” she had to look for an excuse. “I don’t know if it’s because you guys are working with monitors in your ears right now and a lot of you may not be used to it. It’s something that takes a lot to get used to.” She even took a smug shot at Simon, the non-performer on the panel, adding “Simon wouldn’t understand the monitor in the ear thing.”

All was well until Ryan started checking out Michael Johns’ ears, and couldn’t spot a monitor. No, Michael admitted bashfully, he wasn’t using one.

So much for a performer’s insight, huh, Paula?

2. OK, I’m cheating on this one, jumping back to the preliminaries, when Paula addressed David Archuleta, after he sang John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Said Paula: “You are ridiculous. I just want to squish you, squeeze your head off and dangle it from my rearview mirror.”

In case you were wondering, that was supposed to be a compliment, because she later called the performance one of the most moving she’s ever seen.

1. And then, there was the gaffe heard round the world … well, at least the nation … when Ryan summoned the final five contestants to the stage for an unscheduled critique of their first song … with their round two performances yet to come.

And it was Paula’s turn to talk. Oh, my …

“Jason, on the first song, I loved hearing your lower register … the second song, I felt like your usual charm was missing for me. It kind of left me empty. The two songs made me feel like you’re not fighting hard enough to get into the final four.”

Only problem, Jason had performed just one song, which Randy politely tried to point out.

More flustered, Paula continued: “Oh, my God, I thought you sang twice.”

On stage, Ryan Seacrest laughed nervously and said: “Paula, you’re seeing the future, baby.”

Replied Paula: “This is hard.”

And then, in a bizarre attempt to save face, she smiled and said she had mistakenly been looking at her notes for David Cook. She then praised David C., supposedly from the notes she’d used to pan Jason.

Now, Paula wasn’t the only Idol judge to misspeak during season seven. Way back in week one, Simon got confused about wildlife during his review of David Hernandez’s “I Saw Her Standing There.” He described the effort as “a little bit rabbit in the headlights.”

That prompted a smirk from Paula, who looked at Randy, always the mediator in such disputes. “You say deer in the headlights,” Randy said, trying to straight out the Brit.

“It’s all the same thing,” replied Simon. “You get a rabbit or you get a deer and you put headlights on the eyes.”

Which had what to do with David’s performance?

Coming tomorrow: Randy says