Idol Chatter & Voice Views

Hey, Simon. Hey, The X Factor. Nice job with Thursday’s episode.

After last week’s “Mission Impossible” type ending to the boot camp episodes, I was really worried about what was in store for us at the judges’ mansion.

Lots of silliness. Lots of stroking of the judges’ egos.

Nope, The X Factor went straight to performances, leaving each act to audition for its  potential mentor.

It was an episode chock full of commercials, for sure. But we heard from half of the acts; we’ll probably hear from the other half Sunday at 8 p.m. That’s if there isn’t a game seven of the American League championship series.

Here are my grades for their performances:

The Boys

Brian “Astro” Bradley, 14, Brooklyn, N.Y.: During boot camp, L.A. said the quite confident Brian is just too young as a rapper. But that also makes him unique. His version of “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down” isn’t going to win any vocal awards, but then that’s not the point, right? He’s quite the little showman. The performance leaves Rihanna speechless. It leads me wanting more mature male contestants. A little more humility would help, too. Grade: B-

Skyelor Anderson, 16, South Haven, Miss.: He was given “Desperado” to sing on group day, a gift for a country singer, and wasn’t impressive at all. This time around, he’ll sing “Nobody Knows.” And this is even worse. Seriously, how did this guy get into the top eight? That bordered on torturous. Grade: D-

Phillip Lomax, 22, Seattle: This is the crooner who sang a Frank Sinatra song for his audition. And he seems more destined for Broadway than pop stardom. He’s singing “Please Don’t Stop the Music.” And he’s going to do a crooner’s version of the song. No question, he displayed the best vocals of any of the younger guys we’ve heard tonight. But can a crooner be a commercial success? And, if the answer is no, is there any reason he should advance? Grade: B-

Nick Vloss, 22, Florida: Another guy who somehow made it to the judges’ mansion despite forgetting most of his words at boot camp. Hmm, once upon a time that was a cardinal sin. He’s singing “Everybody Wants to Rule the World.” And that tricked-out version of the song did absolutely nothing for me. There weren’t better guys than Nick and Sykelor? Really? Grade: D

Girls

Simone Battle, 22, L.A.: The dark-haired beauty with the long legs sings “Help” by the Beatles, and this version manages to suck all the life out of the song. Simone somehow made it to Simon’s mansion despite forgetting nearly all the words to her last song at boot camp. This time, she remembers the words. But was that a special vocal? I didn’t think so. Grade: C+

Tora Woloshin, 22, Tucson, Ariz.: Between the tattoos, the piercings, her desire to be an auto mechanic and that outfit, there’s no doubt Tora is unique. She’s singing “Satisfaction.” OK, that was a perfectly adequate version of the song. Worth a $5 million recording contract? I’m not sure. But here’s betting Tora advances to the final four among the girls. Grade: B

Caitlin Koch, 21, Buffalo, N.Y.: The rugby player, once a Hollywood contestant on American Idol, is singing “Will You Love Me Tomorrow.” I like the fact that she didn’t come out dressed like a gimmick. Not sure I loved that arrangement of the song; it was a little sleepy. But there was certainly nothing wrong with Caitlin’s vocal. Grade: B

Drew Ryniewicz, 14, Chino Valley, Ariz.: Not crazy about the ruffles at the bottom of that green dress. Otherwise, one word: Wow. Drew sang “It Must Have Been Love.” And turned in the best vocal of the night. With enough wrinkles to make it original, especially with that plaintive tone in her voice. Why am I not surprised that the young girls are the most talented group? Here’s guessing there were more auditioners in that category than any other, by far. Grade: A-

The Groups

The Answer: One member says the $5 million prize belongs to The Answer. The same member started off Pink’s “Perfect” with a brilliant solo. But then the other two members joined it. And things started falling apart. And then the chorus started. And they totally disintegrated. That, folks, was not perfect. Grade: D

Lakoda Rayne: This is one of the groups formed at the end of boot camp, made up of Paige Ogle, Cari Fletcher, Haley Orrantia and Dani Knights. They’re supposed to be a country-pop group. I recall being very impressed by Paige’s voice. Oh, and by Cari’s smile. They’ll sing a countryfied version of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way.” That wasn’t $5 million worthy, but they made The Answer look like amateurs. And did very well for four solo acts thrown together the way they were. Grade: B-

The Brewer Boys, Temecula, Ca.: Unlike Lakoda Rayne, the Brewer Boys have been singing together for a while. They’re singing Rihanna’s “The Only Girl in the World.” Their voices mesh together nicely, but was there anything special in that performance? Anything that could potentially be worth a $5 million recording contract? I can’t see it. Grade: C

4Shore: The is the foursome from Virginia Beach. Between their harmonies and their choreography, you can tell they’ve been performing together for a while. They sound fine together on “If You Love Me.” But do they have standout individual vocalists? I didn’t hear one in that performance. Grade: C

Over 30s

Dexter Haygood, 49, Memphis, Tenn.: I’m getting a little tired of watching Dexter cry as he recalls his time on skid row in every episode. And I’m not sure whether I should have been entertained or scared by that version of “Crazy in Love.” His singing was overshadowed by the leg kicks. Judging from Nicole’s reaction, she wasn’t sure either. Oh, no. The song is over. And Dexter is crying again. Grade: C-

Stacy Francis, 42, L.A.: The mother of two wowed in her first audition. Then held a note way too long at boot camp. She’s going to sing Prince’s “Purple Rain.” And I think it’s pretty obvious right away that she has one of the biggest voices in the competition. The question is control, like when she went so sharp in the middle of that performance. A little over-the-top, but tons of potential in this contestant with the right mentoring. Could Nicole provide that? Oh, and I’d add that she’s another contestant who needs to stop crying. These are the over 30s, aren’t they? Grade: B-

Elaine Gibbs, 53, L.A.: This wedding singer might lack a voice quite as big as Stacy, but she shows more control and more confidence. She’s singing “Stop Crying Your Heart Out.” And that just might have been the best vocal we’ve heard 10 performances into the first judge’s mansion show. Grade: B+

James Kenney, 34,West Hollywood: This guy was pretty much unknown until we heard him sing a splendid solo at the end of boot camp. The fact that we’d heard so little about him made me figure he’s little more than cannon fodder. He sings “Russian Roulette.” I’m not sure it was the perfect song for him. Or whether that performance is good enough to avoid being cannon fodder. Grade: C+